Warning! Warning! This article was written when the author was sleep deprived, (Or more sleep deprived than he usually is.) You read this rambling at your own risk.
So, each year during the month of October, the festive season arrives in India. Everyone seems to be happy, after all, why wouldn’t they be?
However, there are always depressed souls like me, who are not happy at all. I dedicate this article to all those unhappy souls.
In the childhood:
I wasn’t this brooding guy always. I used to enjoy festive activities in my childhood, especially with my sister and father. I remember lighting fireworks with my father on Diwali, flying kites on Sankranti, (More like get in everyone’s way while they try to fly kites,) or splashing each other with squirt guns on Holi. This, and more, I used to enjoy once upon a time.
(Well, aside from the horrifying amounts of pollution from fireworks, and wastage of water on Holi.)
So, when did the shift occurred? Much like a lot of the events in my life, this also began when I was sent on a boarding school at the age of seven. While the bullying and fight and sexual abuse is the story of another day, this actually caused me to think of festivals as a nice way of getting a break from them.
“But, why do you hate them then?” Nice question. You see, there was nothing like television or any entertainment for us in the school. So, when I come to home, I expected to enjoy myself, as I would watch Dragon Ball, or Naruto, or any other number of shows which were aired during that time, before being replaced by complete local garbage. Ahem.
The point is, when I came back to home, I usually had a lot of anger. I didn’t wish to associate with guests, who would just chide me, or ask me to sing a song, (Which I hated completely,) Or try to recognize them with their voice, just because blind people have great memory or some such bullshit. (I can rant about this all day long.)
So, that was one step. However, my disenchantment wasn’t complete yet.
Isolated by children:
So, the one good thing from those guests was the children. I hoped that they would come and play with me, or enjoy the anime which I was watching, by watching it with me.
Yeah, nothing like that happened. Instead, I got made fun of by most of them, when they would ask me how many fingers they were holding in front of me, never mind that I couldn’t see. When some adult saw that, they just excused it as “Oh, they’re still young.” But what about me? wasn’t I young too? Or just because of my blindness somehow made that a moot point?
That caused me to sink deeper into antisocial behavior, where I refused to play nicely with anyone, unless they talked with me on my own terms. (Don’t ask about school, don’t order me to sing a song, and don’t insult me.)
At this point, my antisocial behavior was firmly established, and it is continuing on to this day. But there is another reason why actually hate festivals.
The crux of the matter is, I can’t enjoy anything.
As I grew, this realization dawned upon me that I just can’t enjoy these activities. I’ve tried in the past, but it is just not possible. The fact that festivals do seem to be loud, is also another thing against them in my opinion.
Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings. Follow me on twitter:
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