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Interview with a Troll: Carlos Garbiras


Carlos Garbiras writes on medium, and sometimes, he is active on Twitter. As you will learn through this interview, he is a massive troll as well. I have to keep the interview short, because I couldn’t think of more questions due to the laughter I was experiencing.

Also, please do check out my web serial, its first chapter is here.

The interview:

Me: I like to start with a simple question first. So, tell us a little about yourself?
I’m a construct that wasn’t in on the joke and I’m still trying to find what all of it means, and by all of it, I mean Velveeta Cheese. What is it? And more importantly, why is it?!
Me: When did you begin to write, and what attracted you to it?
One day I found myself bored in my mom’s uterus, so I used what was left over of the amniotic fluid and started stringing some words together. That’s how I wrote my first 1,000 page novel before I was birth into the world–I have never found that much peace and stillness in my life, and somehow, I find myself chasing it. As it turns out, my draft it was just a knock-off of some Russian asshole. To avoid a lawsuit during my formative years, I dropped the novel—even though mine was better.
Me: What kinds of things do you write regularly?
“Vasofia” which is a Spanish slang word that means trash. It is all trash—impermanent trash that will soon disappear along with me because I can’t even get my mom to read my shit which coincidentally is another good word for what I write: shit.
Me: Any plans to publish a book in the future, maybe a book on parenting?
The world wouldn’t be a better place with my take on parenting, so yes.
Me: Compensation is always important when you look at a field. Do you think it is possible to be a well-paid writer in the current times? If yes, how would you do that?
Wait! People get paid for this? I’ve been lied to. Fuckers! I can’t seem to find an agent, so as of right now, I’m a sales dude by day and an ass wipe writer by night—but really more like an ass wipe writer by early morning because I can’t function past three.
Me: Do you subscribe to the thinking of “Write daily”?
I like to be write at least once a day, but it really doesn’t depend on me. It depends more on the world whether or not that day I’ll be write or wrong.
Me: Any social media tips for upcoming writers?
Yes. Just don’t.
Me: What kind of routine do you have?
I’m typically regular, but if I find myself needing a little help, I can drink a little prune juice. Papaya enzymes are also good.
Me: What do you do for rest and relaxation?
I don’t know what you mean by those words. Are those English words? What do they mean? I have kids, so I only have time for them. I don’t even have time to check the dictionary to check these newfangled terms.

Published by Tanish Shrivastava

I'm a guy who likes programming, chess, and writing.

5 thoughts on “Interview with a Troll: Carlos Garbiras

  1. As a short story writer, I can’t help but be thoroughly entertained by this interview with Carlos Garbiras. His unconventional approach to writing and his humorous responses had me laughing out loud. It’s refreshing to see a writer who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and is willing to poke fun at the industry. I’ll definitely be checking out his web serial to see what kind of creative, troll-like ideas he has in store for readers.

    Liked by 2 people

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